Postpartum Mood Disorders are pesky at the least. If you don’t squash them early by seeking help and creating a positive place where you can relax and fall down, a Postpartum Mood Disorder will turn into a full blown nasty monster. And then you’ll have to use the tranquilizer darts and quite frankly, that hurts.
You are probably here because your wife hasn’t seemed to be quite right since giving birth. Or maybe you’re struggling with some emotional issues and aren’t quite sure where to turn.
First, thank you for seeking help and information in regards to whatever situation you’re in at the moment!
Second, make sure you get yourself in touch with your local Postpartum Support International Coordinator. Even if you’re a guy. Trust me, they’ve got a coordinator for that.
One key thing I want to note here in regards to a Postpartum Mood Disorder is that it’s a real damper on communication. When I was struggling through Postpartum OCD, I expected my husband to read my mind. Yeap. Nevermind that he had not attended Houdini’s School of Telepathy or couldn’t even manage to get something as simple as a napkin to float in the air, he was fully and suddenly expected to know my every thought, need, and behave accordingly. So when he left baby with me instead of pitching in when I torpedoed the request repeatedly at his brain, I got pissed. When he didn’t pick up on the slack in the housework despite me clearly leaving a post-it note on his frontal lobe, I got pissed. You see where I’m going with this?
He never asked what I needed help with. He assumed I would open my mouth and let him know what I needed. Except that for some reason childbirth and Postpartum OCD made that a whole lot harder to do. So I didn’t. And he didn’t. And suddenly there we were, rushing toward Niagra Falls in a wooden barrel.
Communication is key to getting things back on track. Helping out with chores like cooking, cleaning, childcare is imperative. I call this the 3 C method. Ask if she needs help with any of them and you’ll be getting some serious brownie points.
Don’t understand Postpartum Mood Disorders or what’s going on with your wife specifically? Go to the doctor appointments with her. Ask questions. An involved, pro-active spouse is going to get his wife back a lot faster than one who is not involved and is judgmental about what she is currently experiencing. She cannot snap out of her depression. It will take time, it will take work, and it will take dedication.
But the more you ask, the more you do, the more of a routine helping each other out will become in your marriage. She may not thank you at first but trust me, she’ll feel it in her heart. And one day, when she’s well enough, she will say thank you even though those words will never be enough to express how appreciative she is that you dared to jump into the ditch with her.
3 comments
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April 28, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Chris
Sweetie, I would leave a comment, but instead I have tacked it to the corkboard of your mind.
Seriously though, I can tell you that she is so right about the way that we men think. We assume that if she isn’t saying that she needs help, that she doesn’t. Instead we should give help until she tells us it is enough.
The author of this post is my wife, and I have so much respect for what she does as a mother. It is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world. But even the most seasoned of mothers deserves a break.
April 29, 2010 at 7:00 am
Lauren
And I would absolutely reply but you already know what I’m going to say. I tucked it into your cerebral cortex!
Thanks for commenting!
December 22, 2010 at 10:01 am
Jason
My wife had this on our first one for months. The claim that the baby hated her and frustration on not being able to deal with her crying. We decided to have another one of course. We are currently dealing with a whole different side to the pre-birth in that she already is not happy with anything and not feeling well all the time and disapointed with the whole process. She is also not willing to talk about it and it would seem that this is all my fault in the first place. Is there a way to deal with this sort of frustration that will help her feel better. I know if i ask questions at the dr apt she will be very angry and im not sure who else to ask.