Have you read your postpartum wife’s mind lately?

Postpartum Mood Disorders are pesky at the least. If you don’t squash them early by seeking help and creating a positive place where you can relax and fall down, a Postpartum Mood Disorder will turn into a full blown nasty monster. And then you’ll have to use the tranquilizer darts and quite frankly, that hurts.

You are probably here because your wife hasn’t seemed to be quite right since giving birth. Or maybe you’re struggling with some emotional issues and aren’t quite sure where to turn.

First, thank you for seeking help and information in regards to whatever situation you’re in at the moment!

Second, make sure you get yourself in touch with your local Postpartum Support International Coordinator. Even if you’re a guy. Trust me, they’ve got a coordinator for that.

One key thing I want to note here in regards to a Postpartum Mood Disorder is that it’s a real damper on communication. When I was struggling through Postpartum OCD, I expected my husband to read my mind. Yeap. Nevermind that he had not attended Houdini’s School of Telepathy or couldn’t even manage to get something as simple as a napkin to float in the air, he was fully and suddenly expected to know my every thought, need, and behave accordingly. So when he left baby with me instead of pitching in when I torpedoed the request repeatedly at his brain, I got pissed. When he didn’t pick up on the slack in the housework despite me clearly leaving a post-it note on his frontal lobe, I got pissed. You see where I’m going with this?

He never asked what I needed help with. He assumed I would open my mouth and let him know what I needed. Except that for some reason childbirth and Postpartum OCD made that a whole lot harder to do. So I didn’t. And he didn’t. And suddenly there we were, rushing toward Niagra Falls in a wooden barrel.

Communication is key to getting things back on track. Helping out with chores like cooking, cleaning, childcare is imperative. I call this the 3 C method. Ask if she needs help with any of them and you’ll be getting some serious brownie points.

Don’t understand Postpartum Mood Disorders or what’s going on with your wife specifically? Go to the doctor appointments with her. Ask questions. An involved, pro-active spouse is going to get his wife back a lot faster than one who is not involved and is judgmental about what she is currently experiencing. She cannot snap out of her depression. It will take time, it will take work, and it will take dedication.

But the more you ask, the more you do, the more of a routine helping each other out will become in your marriage. She may not thank you at first but trust me, she’ll feel it in her heart. And one day, when she’s well enough, she will say thank you even though those words will never be enough to express how appreciative she is that you dared to jump into the ditch with her.

A fresh perspective

First, apologies for not keeping this project up as I had originally hoped. I could list a bunch of excuses but I won’t. I take full responsibility for not updating regularly and not providing the support envisioned at the onset. I’m deeply sorry for not being here for those in need. I hope you’ll forgive me.

That said, I have been doing some very deep thinking about this project over the past few weeks. And I’ve drawn a conclusion. Not literally, mind you – there’s not a napkin somewhere with scribbles on it. Anymore.

I think one of the biggest reasons I did not update as often as I should have here was because I was intimidated. Sure, I grew up in a family of guys and have always related to guys more than girls but to start a support project and have the pressure of having to relate to men in that way was way more intense than I expected. I stayed away because I was scared of saying the wrong thing or not relating to someone in pain or need.

It hit me the other day that I don’t have to pretend to be someone I am not here because what I am is a mom who has survived Postpartum Depression twice and hospitalization for Postpartum Depression once. I’ve experienced depression while pregnant. I’m a mom who has helped numerous families over the past four years get through precisely what you’re facing now. I’m aware of the resources, the signs, the symptoms, the issues surrounding Postpartum Mood Disorders. I know first hand the chaos it can bring to a marriage and to a family. And it’s not fun to go at it alone.

So here I am, just a mom, totally and 100% available to you as support during your struggles with a Postpartum Mood Disorder. Have a question? Ask it. I’ll answer it or get you in touch with someone who can. Need help? I’m your gal.

I won’t be able to read your mind or your wife’s mind. I can’t explain behavior, I can’t diagnose and I cannot recommend one medication or course of treatment over the other. You have to do what is best for you and your situation. And obviously, you’ll want to seek professional help if you even think there’s a possibility of Postpartum Mood Disorders.

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be making a concerted effort to publish more often here about topics you need to hear about. Things like therapy options, the differences between the various postpartum mood disorders, how to best help your wife, how to keep caregiver burnout at bay, and anything else for which you may need answers.

I look forward to connecting with you and creating a community of support.

Warmest,

Lauren