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The May 19, 2010 edition of the Journal of American Medical Association will include research from Dr. James F. Paulson, Ph.D of Eastern Virginia Medical School examining the rates of Paternal Prenatal and Postnatal depression and it’s correlation with Maternal Depression.
After researching 43 studies involving over 28,000 participants fitting their parameters, Dr. James F. Paulson and associate researcher Sharnail D. Bazemore, MS, drew the conclusion that more than 1 in 10 new dads struggle with depression within 3 to 6 months of becoming a father. Interestingly, Paulson and Bazemore included studies examining depression in fathers as early as the first trimester of a pregnancy of a partner. The studies spanned from 1980 to 2009, nearly 20 years of research.
Prenatal and Postnatal Depression was determined to be present in 10% of the cases studied. Postnatal depression spiked between a 3-6 month period and seemed to correlate with a maternal experience of Postnatal Depression
Other mentions of this research across the web today include:
Joel Schwartzberg @ Huffington Post : Postpartum Depression in Men: One Dad’s Story
Joanne Silberner with NPR: Study Finds Dads Suffer Postpartum Depression, Too (There will also be an on-air version tonight on the program All Things Considered. Audio will be available at 7pm ET or shortly thereafter)
Megan Brooks with Reuters: Dads get postpartum depression too: study
Good Morning America Segment via ABC: Postpartum Depression for New Fathers
Depression in men surrounding pregnancy and infancy is rarely discussed. But if the numbers for this research proves to be right, the rate at which these dads are struggling is higher than those of women with depression. While the basis may not be biological as recent research with maternal depression is proving, there is indeed something going on with new dads that needs further exploring.
Perhaps most notable of this research is that Dr. Paulson is an associate professor in Pediatrics. I applaud Dr. Paulson for recognizing the importance of Parental Depression in the lives of our children and hope more pediatric specialists including practitioners and researchers alike would become more involved in helping parents struggling with depression heal.
If you or a new father you love may be struggling with depression during the pregnancy of or the birth of your child, there is help. Dr. William Courtenay runs the Postpartum Men website. There you can find information on symptoms, resources, and a message board to connect with other struggling dads. There is no shame in speaking up. You owe it to yourself, to your child, to your family. You are not alone.
This week is Baby Week over at Discovery Health. Tonight they will be dealing with Postpartum Mood Disorders.
I had a chance to preview the documentary over the weekend via my other blog, Sharing the Journey.
Overall, it was one of the most informative programs I’ve seen on mainstream television regarding postpartum mood disorders. I almost did not watch the entire show as the descriptions of postpartum mood disorders by the moms are accompanied by some pretty intense footage. Footage so intense, in fact, that I do not feel comfortable recommending that a struggling or newly recovered mother watch the program. If I could get the audio of just the narration to a new/struggling mom, I would do so in a heartbeat. But I would be hesitant in handing over film.
If you have plans to watch the program tonight or have watched the program and have questions, concerns, or need to locate resources near you, please do not hesitate to connect with me via Twitter (username unxpctdblessing) or via email at ppdacceptance(@)gmail.com. If you email me, please be sure to note “Postpartum Nightmares” in your subject line.
The most important thing to know about Postpartum Mood Disorders is that you are indeed not alone, you are NOT to blame, and you will be well.
Click here to read my full reaction post over at Sharing the Journey. You will find resources and further information on many of the topics mentioned in the documentary there as well.
This past June, Richard Shaw, M.D., a Packard/Stanford Child Psychologist, studied post traumatic stress disorder among parents of premature infants in the Neo-natal Intensive Care Unit. The results showed that regardless of severity of the infant’s condition, all parents showed very similar symptoms. Many of the parents responded to this traumatic beginning by over-compensating for their child’s health by taking the child to the doctor more frequently.
Most notable though, for this blog’s focus, was the results of the father’s response. It seems that at four months the maternal reaction would be balancing out but the father’s response would be hitting the wall. More often than not, the father would have a more intense reaction than Mom. Shaw theorizes the reason for the delayed response is Dad wanting to stay strong for Mom.
This particular piece of research hit home for me. It was at about four months when I was finally putting my life back together but my husband’s own life seemingly crumbled before my eyes. He became increasingly irritable, argumentative, did not want to talk, was using marijuana more and more. He also quit his job just three weeks before our daughter’s cleft palate surgery which was scheduled when she was 5 months old. While I did not yet have the strength to pull it completely together, I found myself having to do so. He sank into a very deep depression and we had to pull each other up even with surgeries swirling around us. Remember that even if the forward progress is slow, it’s forward progress.
The key is to communicate. Let her know you’re struggling. Listen to her concerns. Share your concerns. Many NICU’s across the nation have access to a Social Worker. Ask for support and find out if there is a support group available at the hospital. Peer support is as invaluable as family support. Train family members to care for your special needs child so you and Mom can go out to get coffee. Gradually work your way up to a movie. Some communities have respite care available for worn out parents of special needs children as well. And please don’t forget to ask for in-home nursing.
When you are blessed with a special needs child don’t forget to take extra special care of yourself. Because the healthier you are mentally, the better chance your child has at really thriving in life.
NPR recently did a story regarding the effect Depression has on the entire family. This piece led to the discovery of an organization called “Families for Depression Awareness.”
Founded by a woman who’s brother committed suicide after several attempts to get him help, the organization is dedicated to raising depression awareness for family members. They encourage full family involvement in recovery which is something the Postpartum Dads Project also encourages.
One of the family profiles at Families for Depression Awareness centers around Postpartum Depression. You can read it by clicking here.
Whether it’s your wife or yourself struggling with depression after the birth of a child the two of you owe it to your child(ren) to heal and support the struggling partner. This enables your children to see your dedication to your partner and teaches them the invaluable lesson of not giving up when the going gets tough.
Please take a moment to check Families for Depression Awareness. Know that you are not part of the problem even if your wife is shouting, yelling, and arguing with you for no apparent reason. It’s the PPD talking. You are part of the solution. Offer to take the baby. Encourage her to take time for herself. Research about Postpartum Mood & Anxiety Disorders so you better understand what her world is looking like right now.
More than ever, your wife needs you front and center. Her world has crumbled around her and you are her rock. It’s ok for you to be quivering too. Let her know that. Most often I felt better when I knew my husband was struggling too. It let me know I wasn’t alone. I’m not suggesting you lie to her – just be honest about how things are going for you as you travel the long road back to recovery with her. Honest but not accusatory. Honest but not hateful. Honest but not spiteful. Honest and Compassionate. One day she will thank you. It may not be right now. It may not be tomorrow. But she will thank you down the road. And she may or may not cry while doing so.
Colic. Every parent’s nightmare.
At the hospital, everything’s cool. Baby coos, you ahhh, nurses help.
But once you bring baby home and through that front door, you’re all on your own. Heaven help you once all hell breaks loose.
Baby’s screaming, your bladder is full, tummy is rumbling, the dog has to go outside NOW, the phone starts to ring, the UPS guy is dropping off a super-belated gift from Aunt Martha, and oh yeah, the cable guy is here because for some reason the cable isn’t working. And don’t forget dear little Tommy banging his plastic chiming hammer against the china cabinet while contemplating peeing in the floor along with the dog (who, by the way, is now barking up a storm at the UPS guy knocking on the door).
Once you get the UPS package inside intact, ignore the phone (that’s why you have voicemail, right?), take the dog AND Tommy outside to pee after strapping the still-screaming baby to your chest, you start to breathe again. Sort of.
Three hours later, baby’s still crying and you’re half-way to bald as you desperately google “How to make a baby stop crying.” Change the diaper. Check. Feed. Check. Burp. Check. Rock. Check. Sing. Check. CHECK CHECK CHECK!
A colicky baby is enough to make even the sanest of parents wish for a pair of Bose Silencing Headphones. But they’re the lucky ones. Yes, I said lucky ones.
You see, depressed parents are almost two times more likely to have a colicky baby than non-depressed parents. Hey – kinda like hitting the lottery, right? But wait – does the colic cause the depression? Nope. According to Mijke van den Berg, a child psychiatrist at Erasmus Medical Center in the Netherlands, the parents were screened for depression before birth.
So what’s the deal then?
Dr. van den Berg states that her study is not definitive and more information is needed to draw a firmer conclusion. But the conclusion to me doesn’t really seem fair to depressed dads. It lays on an even bigger guilt trip. Or perhaps this would serve as motivation to seek therapy if your wife gets pregnant – yanno – to avoid the whole unexplained screaming for more than three hours a day baby thing. Wouldn’t that be the chivalrous thing to do, especially if you’re the one working?
By the time baby gets here, moms and dads are already worn thin. Why on earth would we get a colicky baby to top things off? For fun?
Bottom line here folks, if you’re feeling gloomy, angry, irritated or upset and finding it’s interfering with your daily routine for more than a couple of weeks, please seek help. Talk to someone, anyone. Even if it’s a casual mention to your wife’s OB. He or she may be able to refer you to a trained professional. It’s not shameful to get help. It’s powerful. It’s the right thing to do…for you and for your kid.
Our previous post provided insight into a father’s point of view during miscarriage.
Today we look at small study examining the difference of reaction when a couple loses a premature infant.
Through intensive interviews with six couples who had experienced infant loss, the researchers found that the couples still held the infant at a central place in their lives up to six years after their loss. How the grief and suffering is shared seems to greatly depend on the level of emotional communication exchange between partners.
The primary researcher, Stefan Buchi, M.D., states “It is natural to grieve alone, but if a couple is not communicating about the loss of their baby within the first year after death, I would encourage them to seek professional help.”
Most interesting though is that among the “discordant” couples, or those not communicating about the loss of their child, the father seemed to be at the greatest disadvantage. “Men don’t talk about being sad,” shares Stefan.
The researchers also found that sharing the grief increased intimacy and the feeling of belonging whereas not sharing seemed to isolate each parent.
If you look over to the left of this article, you’ll see a little bar denoting “Dad-Blogs.” Dad-Blogs is an awesome site devoted to well, Dad Bloggers. Although I’m a woman, this blog is focused on Dads so I joined up.
One of the founding fathers, Joe Schatz, wrote the following post about his experience when his wife miscarried. Very moved by the transparent and raw emotion, I requested permission to repost the whole thing here. Joe graciously granted it – with the hopes of his words reaching as many as possible.
Losing an infant at any stage of pregnancy or postpartum is difficult. As Joe points out in the first paragraph, much of the compassion and support is showered on Mom. Dads need support too, even if they don’t let you in on how much they’re hurting. Read on.
"Swallowed in the Sea" by kellyb. @ flickr
I think most people view miscarriages as something that only affects women, I know I did. I didn’t let myself grieve or really examine what had happened because everyone rallied around my wife. It wasn’t until months had passed that it hit me-like a ton of bricks.
We were almost three months along and on a vacation with the family when my wife told me that something wasn’t right. It was just before noon when she started to notice blood. We raced home and the doctor sent us to the hospital for an examination and even though there was a lot of “spotting” they weren’t overly concerned-we were though. My wife knew something wasn’t right and her doctor told her to rest although there was nothing she could do if she was about to have a miscarriage. We Google’d it to death and found little comfort in a similar consensus-if she was about to have a miscarriage there was nothing we could do. That night she felt increasingly more ill and finally had to get in the shower to battle nausea and stomach cramps. It was just shortly after she got in the shower I heard her scream for me-it sounded very bad.
Sounds resonate in the memories of many events in my life. I remember the sounds of my grandfathers and grandmothers voices even though they are years gone, I remember the sound of my first cat’s meow and I vividly remember what my wife sounded like when she called for my help that night.
She was basically in hysterics. My eyes quickly shifted from her to the shower’s floor. I will spare you the awful details, but what I saw that evening was horrific. My wife had tried but the drain couldn’t handle removing “it.” There I was with a wife in hysterics, desperate to make “it” go away-I had to act. I grabbed up some tissues and collected “it” and flushed “it” down the toilet. As I carried out the dark deed, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was I was actually flushing. I was sick. She was sick. It lasted maybe two minutes, but it remains with me and always will.
As the days and weeks passed, our family & friends stopped by or sent cards, flowers and care packages to console my wife. It was great; she received a tremendous amount of support. I was there for her too. She was really hit hard by all of what happened. I was somewhere neither here nor there. I was along for the ride and kept denying the fact that I was shaken up by all that happened.
Being a stay at home dad, I was really looking forward to another kid. That’s not to say my wife was looking forward to another child any less than I, but I was already mentally prepared for the changes in my life. I was going to have to deal with poopy diapers and crying kids for that many more years and my professional life was going to be on hold for that many more years all kinda lingered with me even months after the miscarriage.
It was about 4 months after the miscarriage that my wife and I got an opportunity to have a ‘date night.’ We were out alone and it was just strange that was when all the emotions caught up to me. Being an absolute man’s man, I can write this without regret. That night, my wife brought up the evening of the miscarriage and all that transpired and as I began to talk about it–I surprised myself by breaking out in tears. I started crying really hard. I obviously held in my grief for too long and denied myself the opportunity to deal with what happened.
A miscarriage is losing all that could have been and that is a very difficult thing to go through for both of the parents to be. Our culture seems to think miscarriages only affect women, but that truly is half the story. Dads experience feelings of intense grief, shock, helplessness and anger to name a few.
What feelings Dads can expect to deal with after a Miscarriage:
Denial/Shock: The number one thing that dads have to deal with, in my opinion is denial. Our culture emphasizes the fact that women are hurt by miscarriages-don’t get caught up in that trend. It’s ‘ok’ to get upset-you just lost a child to be. You might even feel like nothing happened just after the miscarriage-don’t be fooled.
Helplessness: I remember the night of the miscarriage-I couldn’t do anything to help and it crushed me. After the miscarriage, I was searching Google for days trying to find out why and if we should risk trying for another. It is simply out of your control and although it sounds cliché-these things just happen.
Guilt: As a guy, I remember thinking that maybe my swimmers were defective or even inadequate. Maybe it was how I came to an abrupt stop in the minivan that one time or maybe it was that I didn’t pay attention as carefully as I should to my wife’s diet. It took me a while to let go of that baggage, but it was for the best.
Anger: Why does God let these things happen? Why did God want my baby before he or she was born? I have read that some dads might be angry with themselves or feel responsible for losing the baby and then project this anger onto their wives-this helps no one and is just another emotion that we feel as we go through the grieving process.
Grief: You are likely to experience strong feelings of loss, not only for the child itself but for the life you imagined for yourself and your partner after the baby was born.
Inadequacy: Grief can make you think funny things like, “Maybe I am the cause of all this and not only did I screw up making the baby, but now I am not there for my wife like I should be because I feel so down.” It wasn’t your fault and it never was-talk about what your feelings are with your partner and let out your emotions before they impact you negatively.
Those are some of the emotions to look out for, but what do I do now after reading this?
Men Dealing with Miscarriage:
If you recently experienced loss through a miscarriage, don’t wait-talk about your feelings whenever you can. Don’t be afraid to cry or express yourself-facing your problems head on is braver than hiding behind them with anger and negativity.
If a Friend or Family member is dealing with Miscarriage:
The next time you hear a friend or family member have experienced loss through miscarriage-don’t leave the man out of the healing equation. If you are a women reading this-encourage your husband to do something nice like take the guy out for a round of golf or to go fishing. Give the guys a chance to work it out and talk. If it is your spouse going through this with you – do not leave them out. They are hurting too. The chances are that the stronger they act the more they hurt behind all that.
Are you a dad or potential dad and have had an experience with miscarriage? How did it affect you? Do you think that society rallies around the mom and forgets the dad in these situations?
The following was originally published by Susan Dowd Stone @ EmpowHer.com. It appears at Postpartum Dads Project with Susan’s permission.
First, let me thank the thousands of you who are sending in your names to endorse life saving legislation for mothers, infants and families. We are trying to post ASAP. Please join us! Many of you have included personal stories of your own experiences which offer a far more powerful inducement to pass this legislation than anything I could ever write. Among the most frequent comment from mothers and family members is “I wish I had known”
We desperately need the public awareness campaigns, research, treatment and support for postpartum mothers that will be funded by The Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act NOW. There is not another moment or life to lose.
Joseph A. Raso sent this account of the tragic loss of his precious daughter to postpartum depression. He asked me to post it or share it wherever I felt it could help pass The Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act.
The Best Meal of My Life
I experienced the best meal of my life the other day. That’s saying a lot from a man who is just shy of 60, and has spent his entire life in the restaurant business. Since my 6th birthday, when my parents opened up La Bella’s, a little mom and pop Italian restaurant, I have had the opportunity to travel and enjoy delicious meals prepared by some the world’s finest chefs.
Even after my wife left, and I was faced the prospect of raising two energetic children on peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and Hamburger Helper, I never lost my appetite for fine dining.
In the early 90’s I met my current wife Mary, a beautiful single mom of two. Her parents had passed, so I asked her eldest teenage daughter, Crystal, for permission to take her mom to dinner. It’s funny – looking back now, I can’t tell you what Mary was wearing, but the restaurant was a perfect combination of cozy atmosphere and scrumptious food.
As 2000 rolled around, our kids now grown, Mary and I discovered cruise ships. We realized, if we carefully picked our departure dates, we could cruise for about $200.00 a day with the all important, MEALS INCLUDED!
On a cruise ship, nothing surpasses the experience of a savory dinner of two hours, your meal prepared by top chefs, while enjoying an unhurried conversation with your spouse. A brochure on one of our cruises informed us that, for an extra $25.00, we could have the “Ultimate Dining Experience”. We could not believe our meals could get any tastier but we gave it a try. Words cannot explain the evening. The service was impeccable and the food was to die for. Gazing at Mary across the table with the moon rising behind her made my dinner all the more unforgettable.
We have been on about ten cruises now and I never thought we could top those culinary delights, until the other day, when I experienced the best meal of my life.
Crystal, the oldest of our four children, was always the more serious. She was the one to whom we entrusted our most important papers and house keys when we left town. Crystal gave birth to Hannah in 2003 and baby Max in 2007. When Max was born, things just seemed to bother Crystal more. She seemed to worry about everything. We tried to reassure her, but that was Crystal, the worrier.
On Feb 25, 2008, we got together with her and her husband, Chris, for lunch. Everything seemed fine. On Feb 27, 2008 at 11:45 AM, Mary received a call from the police concerning a family emergency at Crystal’s house. As we raced the few blocks to her house, I feared the worse. Did baby Max, not yet four months old, die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome? I begged: God please let Max be OK!
As we rounded the corner and their house came into view, there were police cars in the streets and driveway. A detective who was polite, but uninformative, stopped Mary and I from entering the house. As I turned back to the street, I noticed Chris holding baby Max. Knowing that Hannah was in school, I asked him what was going on. With a dazed look in his eyes he told us that Crystal had shot and killed herself.
She had seemed unusually worried the past few days, always fussing about Max, unable to get a good night’s sleep. Attempting to breast feed as long as possible, she was concerned that her milk was drying up. We didn’t notice the symptoms of what we later learned was, Postpartum Depression. We just thought that was Crystal, always worrying.
Over a year has now passed. We have all pulled together and gotten into the routine of helping Chris raise Hannah, his precocious first grade daughter, and Max, a handsome boy of sixteen months. I have volunteered to give Max his 06:00 AM feeding five days a week. This occupied my time and kept my mind off of Crystal. Mary would come over at 07:15 and get Hannah ready for school. In the morning commotion, Chris would wolf down some cereal, and if the kids were up, give them a kiss, and out the door he’d go, grateful for us being there.
It is amazing how we live assumptive lives. Every day, we assume our family will always be there. It’s not that we have taken them for granted it is just that no one ever expects to outlive their own child. I now appreciate the little things in life more. I love Max’s happy giggle every morning as I sing to him while changing his diaper. The joy experienced viewing Hannah’s beautiful sleepy face, when she rolls out of bed is unexplainable.
Mary and I took all four grand kids to a matinee the other day. After the movie, we stopped at Target to get them a snack. “We want the Kids $2.00 Hot Dog & Soda Special,” they yelled. Mary and I sat at a table across from them. As we ate, we enjoyed the view of our grandkids just being kids. I savored every second of hearing them laugh and watching them play as I finished my salad and hot dog. It was the best meal of my life.
Joseph and his family ask that you support The Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHERS Act.
A Newsweek Web Exclusive published April 7 features an interview with Dr. Will Courtenay, an expert in the field of Men’s depression. The article is in Q&A format. Dr. Courtenay skillfully addresses the differences in depression symptoms for men as well as risk factors involved in the development of depression in new dads.
Check out the post Welcome to Fatherhood: Shock & Awe over at Writer Dad’s blog.
It’s an excerpt from Shelley Binkey, M.D.’s book, DIY Baby: Your Essential Pregnancy Handbook.
This post addresses quite a few things but includes Postpartum Depression.
Thanks to Writer Dad for broaching this topic!
Postpartum Dads Project 